One Man, One Woman by Dale O'Leary
Sophia Institute Press, $19.95
In One Man, One Woman, Catholic author Dale O'Leary shares her knowledge and
experience of every facet of the gay-marriage debate: politics, psychology,
biology, religion, and social science. With clarity and force she tackles
the many myths surrounding this contentious issue, showing that:
· Gay people are not "born that way" (scientists have never found a "gay
gene" and never will), but neither do they purposely "choose" their
· By their very nature, homosexual relationships reject the traditional
marital ideals of permanence, fidelity, and mutual self-giving
· Since marriage is much more than just a private matter between two
individuals, radically redefining it will inevitably have grave ill effects
on all of society
· Jesus' command to "judge not" doesn't compel us to approve of homosexual
behavior or same-sex marriage (but we are called to speak the truth in love)
· Research has conclusively shown that children fare best with a mother and
a father — and gay activists know this
· The battle over gay marriage is but one part of a larger war against
traditional morality and religion, and this war won't end even when the
issue is settled
O'Leary shows how the redefinition of marriage in Europe and Canada has
already taken a predictable toll on marriage rates, family stability,
religious freedom, and children's well-being. And there are ominous signs
that radical social engineers are plotting a similar course for the United
States: toward a future in which marriage is considered a quaint
anachronism, and "intolerant" beliefs are strictly censored.
But there's still time to avert that course, she says, and to that end she
includes a twelve-point practical plan for saving marriage for the next
generation — a plan that begins and ends not with anger, but with genuine
love and compassion.
So whether you're trying to fight City Hall, answer the challenges of a
relative or friend, or even quiet your own nagging doubts, One Man, One
Woman is your single source for the facts you need to understand and defend
the truth about marriage.
Why I Spent Ten Years Writing This Book,
and Why You Need to Read It -- from author Dale O'Leary
"Most of the world's major religions deem homosexual behavior to be morally
Yet if gays and lesbians are "born that way" (as many claim) and can't
change, how are we to respond? Is it enough, as some have suggested, to tell
them to suffer in silence? That can't be the answer. People of faith have to
have a more compassionate response to those with same-sex attractions.
But at the same time, we can't sacrifice our belief that homosexual acts are
contrary to God's plan. Our very faith hangs in the balance: if we are wrong
to hold that homosexual acts are contrary to Nature and the intent of
Nature's God, then all religions (including mine) that condemn such behavior
are ipso facto guilty of unjust discrimination. And if our revealed texts
and teaching authorities are wrong on such an important issue, how can they
be an infallible guide in other areas?
This is not a small thing, not an issue from which we can simply walk away
because it makes us uncomfortable. However much we might wish it were
otherwise, our credibility on all other issues hangs on our ability to
defend this teaching. If this teaching is no longer applicable, why should
young people believe that anything we say is morally binding? If God is
wrong about this, or if we are wrong about God's teaching, then our
credibility is completely undermined. We are simply stating our personal
opinions — and narrow, mean-spirited opinions at that.
When I realized this years ago, I saw clearly that if the pro-family
movement is to prevail in the worldwide culture war, it must answer such
challenges, but that it was, at that time, ill-prepared to do so. Therefore,
in 1996, I began to research the issue of homosexuality, looking for answers
to the questions posed by the gay activists and others. This book is the
product of that long search.
I began by reading all the literature on the subject I could find — books,
journal articles, news accounts. I contacted groups around the country that
worked with persons who wanted to come out of homosexuality, as well as
other pro-family groups that had come to recognize the rising influence of
gay activists. I contacted the National Association for Research and Therapy
of Homosexuality (NARTH), and through them a number of mental-health
professionals who had been working on the issue for years. I found doctors
from the Catholic Medical Association who shared my concerns. I discovered
the wonderful work of Courage, a Catholic outreach to persons struggling
with same-sex attraction (SSA). And I met many men and women who had found
healing from SSA, and peace.
As years passed, I observed a noticeable escalation of gay activism,
particularly in the demand for marriage rights. It seemed as if gay
activists, confident that their efforts were working, could sense some
imminent major victory. Then, in November of 2003, the Massachusetts Supreme
Judicial Court ruled in the case of Hillary Goodridge v. the Department of
Public Health that "barring an individual from the protections, benefits and
obligations of civil marriage solely because that person would marry a
person of the same sex violates the Massachusetts Constitution."
This was the decision that the defenders of marriage had feared.
The opponents of Goodridge began an effort to nullify the decision by
amending the state constitution, and were able to gather over 170,000
signatures to that end. But the process revealed deep divisions within
communities. Members of pro-family groups, most of them affiliated with
churches, were unpleasantly surprised at the number of friends, family
members (the younger generation, especially), and fellow congregants who
refused to help the effort.
Those who refused to sign the petition did so, for the most part, because
they saw themselves as compassionate people. They wanted to do the right
thing. They didn't like being accused of discrimination or bigotry. They had
friends, family members, coworkers, or neighbors with same-sex attractions,
and they didn't want them to suffer.
Many found it difficult to answer the arguments made by those who would not
sign: "Why shouldn't gays and lesbians be allowed to marry?" "They were born
that way and can't change." "How does letting them marry hurt other
If this was the reaction to the petition, the organizers wondered, how could
the amendment prevail if and when it was finally put before the people?
It was then that a group involved in gathering signatures contacted me to
ask for help in training people to explain the issue. I developed a seminar
and wrote for local Catholic newspapers a series of columns entitled Truth
In my columns, and now more completely in this book, I answer for you the
crucial question: 'How can we Catholics reconcile our desire to be truly
loving, compassionate, and accepting with the unchangeable teaching that
homosexual acts are always contrary to God's rules for sexuality?'
May these pages do good for me, for you, and for all persons with same-sex
The book One Man, One Woman is available from its publisher, Sophia
Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays
Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060
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